Clarkson is said to have invested a six-figure sum into the online superstore King of Watersports, with the sole aim of punching the humble web shop into the consciousness of the nation. During the filming of the last ever Top Gear, Jeremy was introduced to King of Watersports CEO Charles Michael Kernan, the two hit it off and began negotiations.

After his recent ‘fracas’ with Top Gear producer Oisin Tymon, a tidal wave flooded the news and social media to reinstate Jeremy Clarkson to the hit show. Despite global efforts the beloved presenter will not make the highly anticipated return to the BBC, instead he will be turning the wheels of internet giant King of Watersports.

We caught up with Clarkson outside his stately home in Watford “Expect King of Watersports in every home of every country of every continent, apart from Argentina, they can **** right off” The recent stresses and ongoing internal investigations with the BBC has seen Jeremey hounded by the press more than usual “Frankly I’m over the moon to be talking about something other than his (Oisin’s) incompetence, how hard is it to make a goddam sandwich? Working with Charlie will be a breeze” It seems a change of direction for this petrol head might just be well overdue. “Smashing brands, expert knowledge and competitive prices; it’s a no brainier and they’ve managed all that without a dithering idiot and a vertically challenged buffoon”

Mr Kernan never expected his visit to the filming of Top Gear would result in a working partnership with the host of the show.
“If I’m honest I always thought the guy was a bit of a **** but now, I can’t think of anyone better to push the company forward”
With over 13 years kitesurf experience, Charlie is no stranger to a thrill seeking lifestyle. “Yea man, I mean I’m no Joe Taylor but I can bust a smashing board grab on my 17m. The locals call me ‘Banana Man’ like I’m some kind of superhero but really I’m just a regular guy that gets a kick out of making a difference to people’s lives”
The unlikely duo plan on making watersports the new thing to do on a Sunday evening. No more will you watch repeats of Top Gear on Dave; you’ll be paddleboarding in the Thames with your kids, learning to kitesurf with your weird cousin from Dorset, or teaching your girlfriend to snorkel in the local canal. “Chaz and Jezzer are about to **** your **** right up” says KoW chief.

King of Watersports sell kitesurf, surf, wakeboard, SUP (and much, much more) equipment on their state of the art webpage, check them out today to receive a free, slightly chipped ‘Top Gear’ mug with your next purchase.

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